My testimony about working, living, and struggling with Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), and things that seems we do differently. To offer support, personal content, resources, to help other adults with APD insights as things we do differently.
APD is not a disease, please refer to first post,Things Adults With Auditory Processing Disorder Do Differently, and it is not having hearing loss issues, what the ear gives the brain to process is distorted. APD can cause problems in relationships at home, being misheard or misunderstood can lead to arguments that might never have arisen otherwise. Amen on that!
Now add menopause! That’s a hormonal avalanche. For years I’ve found myself overreacting to the smallest of things—an inappropriate or insensitive tone of voice, a perceived slight from a family member or friend. I had expected some degree of increased emotions with menopause, but this was far beyond the realm of what I considered normal hormonal instability.
I, a postmenopausal women, have difficulty determining the hidden meaning of conversations, appreciating subtle aspects of humor, sarcasm, and exhibit other misperceptions related to what is meant. These are the ingredients for an argument or hurt feelings.
My husband felt I was reacting strangely, and I was frustrated too. Everything he said I misconstrued. My husband has always had a rather sardonic wit, I didn’t always appreciated his sense of humor, but I could ignore it.. Now, even more, I take everything literally and react emotionally to even the most innocuous of comments, and to understand the intent of others’ communications
I know my husband is emotionally exhausted, and feels he just can’t say anything right. He patronizes me and cuts me off abruptly too. In fact, he seems to be laughing or sneering at every time I set forth any opinion, from the color to paint the kitchen to just talking back and forth with the TV on. After all these years I still don’t think he understands how frustrated I get processing everything.
But if he wouldn’t always tell me stuff when I’m in the middle of focusing on something or with loud noises in the background, I might be able to hear him better. I should wear a sign “I am processing, when I get it, I’ll get back with you”.
I read APD may be a contributing factor to communication difficulties in the postmenopausal women.
I just wish I had one day where I could find my keys, purse, glasses, phone, all my lists, and get out the door on time without returning because I forgot something. JUST ONE DAY!
Finally, Do you still feel you can’t write or can’t afford to to a writer? But to make money writing on your own website? No? YES, with Wealthy Affiliate, you can too. Try it for a week free, no credit card needed.
Please leave comments or questions below, I would love to hear your struggles and stories.
About four months ago, when I first thought about signing up to become an Uber driver, it seems to be a reasonable job for one who wants to work part-time, and I with Auditory Processing Disorder and the frustrations of it.
I found being a rideshare driver offers flexible hours and to make money without an angry boss, Driving for Uber is a great part-time job with the flexibility to also work on my website. If I don’t want to work, I simply don’t work. Stories worth at least taking home to amuse my family comes from each day I drive. When I tell friends, I drive for Uber part-time, they ask “Is it worth it?” Well, yes, I believe so. I’m still deciding.
Interesting moments from riders that are rude to a special rider that was so exciting it made my heart pound. I love it when I turn on the Uber driver app and receive a rider request immediately. Often it is a short distance drive, but they usually give a good tip ($5.00) and a five-star rating. Iget tips every day but not every trip.
SOME DAYS ARE BUSY
Some days, the rides come in nonstop, and so do the tips, It seems when I have a destination, like getting my oil changed, buying gas, picking up a few things at Target, or even getting in the fast-food drive-thru for a bite to eat, yep, that is when I get a rider request. I have gotten out of line twice at a chain food before making my food order, to pick up two separate rider requests.
The “ping” usually startles me because you only have 15 seconds to respond, and I love that I will have an opportunity to meet new people and have them like me, enjoy my conversation or have a laugh with me enough to leave a tip. Truly crazy huh?
If I don’t have a destination or an errand to run, I usually gravitate to the airport. I get in a queue; I then feel committed to staying there until I get a rider request. The airport is my go-to or my office, of sorts. I learned more about driving from Uber drivers at the airport than I learned from Uber, the drivers at the airport share information. I feel like I must check in once a week to see how the drivers are doing. I always learn something from them.
I received a rider request while ending another rider, so l accepted it and thought how easy drop-off/pick up and only two minutes away. Well, the GPS took me to the pick-up spot not far from the drop-off but a very busy street with a lot of construction going on. How it turned out, Cristi’s pick up was anything but easy, It’s busy, there are tons of traffic I’m sitting at the intended pickup spot, and there’s no Cristi insight. A car is honking at me. The cop directing traffic is glaring menacingly at me to move, as I’m blocking part of a lane.
Cristi, where are you? I have now been waiting for almost five minutes, and there is no rider. I waited another 10 seconds for good measure, and, sorry Cristi but I’m not waiting anymore. Time for me to cancel the ride, mark you as a no-show and charge her a cancellation fee. Sorry, but you have literally cost me money by not being ready. Making matters worse, I was never granted my $5 cancellation fee from the company, they claimed I didn’t wait the full five minutes, I didn’t have time to argue.
SOME RIDERS ARE RUDE
The next ride was Lyda, I accepted the rider request. It directed me to a government arsenal at a particular location. Well, what I didn’t know is I couldn’t get on the arsenal without prior registration and to get that was to travel to another gate.
I had not registered earlier but finally, I talked (begged) the soldier to allow me to pick up my rider. The delay obviously didn’t go well with the rider, it had started raining. I was lost and she was texting my direction based on government acronyms. she texts me but wouldn’t get off her phone for me to call her to get the location.
I finally pulled over a military police car (yes, the first time I’ve ever attempted that) and asked for his help. He escorted me to Lyda’s pick up destination, she was standing under a tree in the rain with her phone at the ear. She got in the car and I explained the obstacles I had to go through to get to her location. She got on her phone right away without saying a word, probably because she was so mad about my lateness and about the rain. I took her to her hotel for a drop-off.
We thrive for a rating of 5 stars and should keep a 4.85 rating. She gave me a 1-star rating! Really? That knocked my rating down to a 4.82. I was new enough to panic, called customer service to tell them what happened. They assured me I would not have my Uber app taken or canceled. It took many rides with 5 stars ratings to get my average back up and I still check after every ride to see what rating I got, almost as important to me as seeing if I got a tip. Whew!
MOST DAYS HAVE FRUSTRATIONS
To be clear, I get frustrated often but the repetition has helped, I still find itdifficult to listen to my riders, think of my reply and listen to directions, just too much to process, with APD. It is a problem for me.
I usually go clueless on the conversation and focus on the directions, but if we are having a fun trip, most don’t notice, but it is exhausting.
SOME DAYS YOU CAN’T MAKE THIS STUFF UP
The last story in this post was really exciting! I picked up a well-dressed, pretty young lady at the Westin. She gave me an address that was basically the “country”, between two towns and at least a forty-minute drive. I thought where is she going so dressed up and to an area that has few businesses? It was easy to carry on a conversation with her.
Unexpectedly and suddenly sirens, flashing lights, police, state troopers, and big black cars were speeding around me. I said “Wow, what is going on? Was I speeding?” She said “just follow them, they are going where I going. WHAT? Then it got exciting. She first checked out the security statue on her phone and said I can tell you that is Ivana Trump’s escort.
She is visiting a robotics company to apprise the introduction of a new program that provides training for employees displaced by robotics. She said she works for the Department of Justice and is to attend the visit of Ivana Trump at the robotics company. Well, that explains a lot! This was exciting!
I followed the train of cars with flashing lights, but not at the speed they were going. When we got there, the police motioned me to keep moving. I stopped, she pulled out her credentials and I was allowed the enter the premises to drop her off. The police or guard finally smiled when I said: “I’m with her”. we were there but, I had so many questions to ask her, I was intrigued by it all.
I waited in the area hoping to get riders returning, I did, her! So driving her back to the Westin, my interview began. Similar to the same questions that are asked of me…How? Why? What’s it like? and she seemed amused at my enthusiasm and always very polite.
I told her how exciting the drive was for me, she smiled and wished me well. I considered hanging around the Westin until she needed a ride to the airport back to Washington D.C. but I thought that would be too much like stalking. Besides, I probably had asked most of the questions she could answer. One of the better days driving for Uber, 5-stars and a big tip. Yeah, it can be worth it.
I’d like to begin while living with the frustrations of a learning disorder, I have learned the new Uber Driver app, I have had more training, I have had more practice, I am more comfortable and I have a better understanding of the Uber routine. I love driving for UBER. Despite the frustrations (from Auditory Processing Disorder)that I vented in my last post RECENT REALITY OF LIVING WITH AUDITORY PROCESSING DISORDERI’d like to revisit my experiences.
One of the needs I have and have missed from working in my medical sales job is meeting and finding a connection with people, both with meeting Uber riders and drivers. Driving for Uber has met this need, even if the time spent with newly acquainted riders is average 20- 30 minutes but even longer lengths of wait time but valuable time to ask questions to seasoned drivers.
Everything is difficult with a learning disorder: a post about hope, living and working with a learning disorder. Yes, the learning curve was difficult for me, but I embraced it and have overcome it. Now I love it. I will share a few experiences and stories with you in the following post.
First of all, when I initially came home as a new Uber driver, I had stories to tell my daughter and husband of riders. After a few weeks, my husband asked: “do you interview anyone”? Later, my daughter asked: “do you give them all your resume”? Yes, to both. If they want to talk or ask me questions I try to find a commonality. Usually, they ask why I drive? Initially, it was to earn money to go on a trip to Ireland with my sisters. Since my husband wasn’t invited, I felt I didn’t need to take the money out of the family budget and earn my way.
The question I most often get asked is “do you like driving for Uber?” So, I give them my answer, yes, I like meeting people something I have missed since I retired, supplementing my retirement, and I am doing it to earn my way on a trip to Ireland with my sisters. This intrigues most of them both in Ireland and that I am earning my own money doing a job that I don’t feel is beneath me. I sell them on me, my passion for meeting them, on my reason for driving (earning money) and it makes good conversation.
Another question is “what brought you to driving?” Thus, I give them my resume, I was pushed into early retirement from medical sales and am supplementing my income to travel. I miss meeting people and this job meets that need even if the encounter is only 15-30 minutes. I have learned many drivers are retired, some have enough retirement income but need a purpose and do it to get out every day.
If they don’t ask me questions or just don’t want to talk, many are making a business call or texting while I drive that is fine, but I miss the opportunity of an encounter. However, if there is just silence, I start “the interview” as my husband called it. I learned from being a sales rep to ask them probing question or leading questions like: “what brought you to [my city]?, “how long have you lived in [city or their destination]?” Sometimes I know something about the rider’s destination and can give them some interesting (maybe useless) information about it or about the city. It usually helps to connect, which leads to interesting conversations and that leads to tips.
APD is not a disease. What the ear gives the brain to process is distorted .APD can cause problems in relationships at home, being misheard or misunderstood can lead to arguments that might never have arisen otherwise. Amen on that!
Now add menopause! Now that’s a hormonal nightmare. For years I find myself overreacting to the smallest of things—an inappropriate or insensitive tone of voice, a perceived slight from a family member or friend. I had expected some degree of increased emotions with menopause, but this was far beyond the realm of what I considered normal hormonal instability.
I, a postmenopausal women, have difficulty determining the hidden meaning of conversations, appreciating subtle aspects of humor and sarcasm, and exhibit other misperceptions related to what is meant. These are the ingredients for an argument.
My husband felt I was reacting strangely, and I felt frustration too. Everything he said I misconstrued. My husband has always had a rather sardonic wit, I had always appreciated his sense of humor. Now, even more, I take everything literally and react emotionally to even the most innocuous of comments, and to understand the intent of others’ communications
I know my husband is emotionally exhausted, and feels he just can’t say anything right. He patronize me cuts me off abruptly too. In fact, he seems to be laughing or sneering at every time I set forth any opinion, from the color of paint the kitchen to current political affairs. After all these years I still don’t think he understands how I’m processing everything.
But if he wouldn’t always tell me stuff when I’m in the middle of focusing on something or with loud noises in the background, I might be able to hear him better.
APD may be a contributing factor to communication difficulties in the postmenopausal women
Finally, my two recommendations for supplementing your income is to Uber Drive (referral LAURAW28016UI) or to write with Wealthy Affiliate . Have you ever felt like you couldn’t afford to be a writer? You probably write stuff for family and friends all the time. But to make money writing on your own website? No, you need a real job, dress up and sit in a cubicle all day. Really? My experience to share is that I love to write, and a passion I have to write about is living with a learning disorder.
Wealthy Affiliate is a good platform to learn how to supplement income by writing, to learn to use it step by step, and being an Uber Driver are the two ideas of supplementing your income and both can be done on your time frame and you are your own boss. Tried and true, Uber driver (LAURAW28016UI) andWealthyAffiliate.
Please leave comments or questions below, I would love to hear your struggles and stories.
My recent reality of living with Auditory Processing Disorder is an example of the continued confusion and frustration I experience on a daily basis, it never ends.
It occurred while driving with one of the rideshare companies, Uber. I chose to be a Uber driver because I have missed meeting people and this would meet a long time need I have had since retirement.
I experienced my first ride as a passenger with Uber during the first week of July while visiting Portland, Oregon, my daughter ordered the ride. I came home and signed up to be a driver and love it but also found frustrations with it. I only had two weeks as a driver in my home city with learning how the application works, I wasn’t seasoned nor trained very well, trained by trial and error mostly.
Weeks ago, my husband had a cerebral aneurysm rupture, was Med flight to Vanderbilt Medical Center in Nashville, TN over a 100 miles away and was in the hospital ICU for twelve days.
During “our” stay at the hospital, I used the time to step out of the hospital to adventure out into the city. I turned on the driver application and got notified as a driver to pick up a rider close to my vicinity, I accepted the drive. I am not familiar with Nashville but with the Uber map apps, I felt I could find the locations of where to pick up and drop off the rider. Well, maybe not.
I completed several rides but found that I struggled with being a new driver, in a new city, a new car, and a new app, all of which I was not familiar. I knew better but thought I would push myself out of my comfort zone to do this, I did.
For one with Auditory Processing Disorder, this was just as disheartening as anything else I attempt.
First of all, I was not familiar enough with the Uber Driver app and was confused by it initially anyway. I did not have enough repetition of using it to be comfortable.
Secondly, I could not hear the directions for navigating to a riders pick up or drop off, and with APD I cannot remember sequences of directions without an auditory and visual trigger one step at a time. I could not figure out how to connect the iPhone with Bluetooth for the car stereo system to work consistently, I still haven’t but am continuing to try different suggestions.
Thirdly, it is difficult for me to hold a conversation, it is a distraction from navigation directions that are already difficult for me to hear and process, is a struggle to understand and to process enough of the conversation to make sense.
Listening is exhausting and also trying to hear and process the directions is draining.
I hear differently, particularly if there are background noises. Back at the hospital, the alarms for medical equipment, the television and voices from the hall made listening difficult. The nurse asked my husband “would you like more soup”? I heard “would you like to … Moore’s stoop”? That didn’t make sense, I was slow to process that she was asking him about soup. She said “time for you to get back in bed”, I heard “kind of like you are dead”. Not something I wanted to hear while my husband is in the hospital.
I continue taking the CBD oil and still believe it is helpful for anxiety and sleep.
I am writing to validate what it is like to live with APD, past, and present. It is therapeutic to write and to describe my struggles with those who share the same struggles. All with the training from Wealthy Affiliates.
Please leave your questions or comments. I am looking forward to hearing your story.
1.When we refer to Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), we are referring to primarily an “input” disorder that affects specifically the way auditory information is processed at a variety of levels in the central auditory nervous system. Please read my first post Things Adults With Auditory Processing Disorder Do Differently.
2. AUDITORY, specifically, the central auditory processing disorder that has a name for the first time, often explained as what gets into the ear somehow gets jumbled by the time it gets to the brain. What I hear someone saying, is distorted or muffled, like the person is mumbling. It is especially difficult if there’s a lot of noise around. Besides background noise, most have difficulty comprehending or remembering complex verbal information and frequently ask for repetitions.
3.“If you can’t see it, it isn’t there”, ever heard this? It has led some to resolve that APD, very simply, is not real. “APD doesn’t exist and even if it did, there is nothing we can do about it anyway.”These statements are far less frequent today than even just five years ago. Simply stated, “what I do with what I hear.”
4. I underwent a series of tests designed to quantify and qualify the many difficulties I am having. I felt vindicated but not relieved when I received all this information. I could now understand on an intellectual level why I was experiencing the many difficulties that had plagued me, but this knowledge didn’t seem to make me feel any better. For years I was trying to define and battle this beast.
5.Expected following the diagnosis of a learning disorder, my first reaction was fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of what would happen if I never improved in any area. Fear of living and working with a learning disorder. Fear of losing my job and not being able to support my family.
6.Then came depression, it was a primary and immediate concern; emotional difficulties were linked to my auditory processing deficit. There seemed to be no light shining in from above. One of the most difficult decisions I had to face was the need to change the job setting. It seemed and was documented that I could no longer perform my job competently. I reached the final stage of grief: acceptance.
7.To come home from work at the end of every day exhausted from having to spend so much effort just listening. And then spend several more tiring hours of effort to prepare that night for the next day’s work that others didn’t seem to have a need to do or in much less time. It took too much from family time.
8.When dealing with APD, no two people are alike, and the impact of a deficit on one person’s life may be quite different from the impact of the same deficit on another. I became a master at hiding the disorder. APD does not manifest itself until much later in life and, even then, sometimes not until the conditions are precisely right. In school, I learned to cope, I was not a star student or anything, but I got by just fine. I got an M.A. and was marketable for the corporate world.
8. Fired, downsized? While the industry was based on selling to friends, I had the personality for that. However, when it moved to scientific selling, I lost my edge. Big Pharma started the process of firing me. I’d never been fired in my life! I was becoming a liability and was on the verge of being fired. It was a potentially volcanic situation. I couldn’t have made a worse career choice given my particular auditory disorder.
10.Accommodations? A program for managing APD in the work setting, address these issues and suggest methods of compensation for the disorder as well as strategies for changing the listening environment to make it more friendly for the person with APD. However, even with such strategies in place, I simply had to accept that I will have difficulty in some situations. The very nature of his job setting made any environmental changes impossible and rendered his strategies virtually ineffective, were linked to my auditory processing deficit.
11.Many learning disorders either imitates APD or can coexist with APD, such as ADHD as a coexisting condition should not be taken to mean that all my difficulties can Instead, it is more often the case that the auditory disorder is merely one piece of the overall picture. APD in the context of larger, more global disorders that can affect a person’s daily life skills and coping strategies in a variety of ways.
What’s next? I’ve learned to carry on with APD, dreading the return to job hunting. I love to write, learn new skills and it is a suggested career for one with this kind of learning disorder. Logically, I wanted to learn more about writing, how to start a website or blog, how to monetize it. I found the platform I needed after researching different programs. Now, I write and can supplement my retirement and unemployment with the platform I chose to enroll Wealthy Affiliate.
Auditory Processing Disorder does qualify for SS Disability. As I mentioned on ALL EARS Welcome page, I am not an expert on learning disorders, except that I live with it and all the obstacles that come with it. My recommendation is if you cannot function at work due to Auditory Processing Disorder, get an attorney to file the claim with SSD. Don’t waste time to do yourself. It doesn’t have to be an obstacle.
You can get representation from either an attorney or disability advocate who will help you apply for benefits. Since up to 70% of initial applications are denied, there is an excellent chance that you will end up with a need for representation for your claim eventually. An experienced professional will know how to avoid mistakes in the application that can delay or cause your request to be denied. Upon receiving your free case evaluation, you can ask the disability advocate or attorney how you can benefit from help with your claim.
When you apply for SS Disability benefits, they must decide whether you are disabled under the law. Their decision is based on the information you and your healthcare providers produce. So, focus on your symptoms, how does it limit you from working?
Again, look at the whole person, physically and mentally. Auditory Processing Disorder (APD) is one of the newer and more uncommon learning disorders that the attorney may need to explain to SSD for an understanding of your disability.
Your medical condition must be severe enough to limit your ability to do necessary work activities. Examples of physical disability would be having difficulty with standing, walking, or sitting. Your disability must be expected to last for at least one full year. Mental work-related functions are below.
The evaluation of Auditory Processing Disorder disability is based on one in nine categories (12.02) “Organic Mental Disorders,” and NO you are not crazy your brain is just wired differently or dysfunction of the brain.
Anxiety-related disorders (12.06) accompanied my list of conditions, along with ADD and depression (recurrent) among physical co-morbid conditions (lower back pain after surgery) that influence being able to stand for an extended period. Mental disorders require documentation, so focus on your symptoms. If you know you have a learning disorder, then you have seen a healthcare provider for the diagnosis.
What the attorney and SSD need to support a disability claim.
Your attorney will have you sign a form to acquire all the medical records:
Information from your physician that will help to determine the existence, severity, and duration of the person’s impairment(s). This is a thorough medical history, and all pertinent clinical and laboratory findings (both positive and negative). Provide the results of any mental status examination, like psychometric testing, or neuropsychological assessments for APD.
Records and detailed historical notes discussing the course of the disorder, including treatment and response, is very useful to SSD, their interest is in the impact of the illness over a period. Additionally, any information you can provide contrasting your medical condition and functional capabilities since the onset of APD, ADD, Anxiety, or Depression with that of your prior status.
Provide your physicians’ opinions about your mental functions and the reasons for his views, such as clinical findings and observation of the person. These opinions should reflect your abilities to perform work-related activities on a sustained basis (8 hours /day and five days/ week). Your descriptions of any functional limitations throughout the time your physician treated you. An example includes:
*Mental work-related functions. The ability to process what is heard, understand, remember, carry out simple instructions, the ability to use appropriate judgment, the ability to respond appropriately to supervision, coworker, usual work situation, including changes in a routine work setting.
If you work with APD and ADD, you recognize these work-related functions! I had “coaching reports” from my sales managers documenting many of these, mostly I “do not listen” to customers or give “appropriate responses” were documented on our “work with” reports.
Effects of medication– there is no medication for APD, however there many different ones for depression, anxiety, and ADD, all with varying side effects which too could influence functions at work.
Work attempts – Information concerning circumstances surrounding termination of your work is useful in determining your ability or inability to function in a work setting. You can apply for SSD the day you are no longer able to work, with or without medical leave.
Mostly, the different healthcare providers submit notes from the talk therapy, assessments and a copy of a Letter of Accommodation written based on my position as a medical sales representative to the Big Pharma a year before I was nudged out.
PERSONAL EXPERIENCE: Information provided by my healthcare providers to SSD included:
The medical condition: Organic Mental Health and Learning Disorders; ADD and APD with a description of APD, mainly because it was uncommon. An illness or disease does not need to be listed in Social Security’s blue book to qualify for disability benefits.
Limitations of your ability to function effectively, concentrate on a sustained basis and pace, weakness and difficulty with a thought process when trying to take notes at an adequate pace, consistency to keep up with the conversation.
I have a problem with short term memory, with rapid speed, with sequencing things, with getting necessary information wrong, a need to write everything down to review, as a reminder and then, of course, to process it.
ADD is distractibility and inattention disability, I seem to not “listen” when spoken to, makes careless mistakes, losing and forgetting important things at work. Also, difficulty taking notes at the pace required, following long conversations and instructions.
Treatments Received. Assessment tests for APD and ADD, regular evaluations for depression …effectiveness at work particularly with pace, with concentration…for integrating APD into the workforce…with the inability to function and to struggle to process …especially at times of increased stress and depression.
Get the idea? Provide documents and don’t be afraid to ask an attorney for help.
If you cannot work due to physical and mental disorders, get an attorney, and apply for SSD. I can say if you are diligent you will get it and can have more. I have found and needed to supplement disability, retirement, and unemployment by working from home, online, and register with a program to teach me online marketing perhaps can be an option for you and to fill in the gap in your resume, like taking a class online that teaches you how to monetize. If you are uneasy about a job loss and the future of the job market, being unemployed, need to supplement your retirement or Social Security, and want a legit program (tried and true) with a supportive community to get you started, investigate Wealthy Affiliate. I give it a 5 out of 5 and regret it took me so many years to find.
I hope to meet you back here soon, to continue the insights and personal experiences of living with a learning disorder.
In my previous two posts, you read I was disheartened yet humbled living with a learning disorder, Auditory Processing Disorder (APD). Yeah, it overwhelms me daily, and it causes a lot of frustration, for myself and for others. It hinders from almost everyday activities, communications, and frustrates the hell out of me.
I didn’t realize how frustrating it was until I recently spent a weekend with a friend at her beach house. Every question I asked or comments I made she would come back with huh, and I would repeat, everything, every time! I even started speaking louder to her as others do to me. Granted, she may have been overly occupied with redecorating. It not always about me.
She was not listening, or she didn’t care. I don’t know, and it doesn’t matter because I get it. I understand how others perceive me, and it is a crazy reality. However, this is not the subject of my post. I just wanted to acknowledge for the first time being on the other side of someone who I perceived as not listening, and it was not enjoyable.
God bless my family and friends for sticking with me. Which leads to the subject of this post, how God got my attention. Years of fear and finally begrudgingly nudged out of a comfortable medical sales position I held for 25 years, (read previous posts). My work life was overly preoccupied
Thankfully, I didn’t see just a pill prescriber, but a psychiatrist who also included talk therapy, a lost profession and now I see as one of those times that God was there, and I didn’t recognize it. I was emotional, my body exhausted, my soul drained and angry that I couldn’t stop the momentum. The only thing I had to keep from crying continuous was to reach out my sister, who was familiar with depression, and she daily reached back out to me.
One time, she told me to “let it go” and give it to God. I did not understand why God would help me; I certainly didn’t know him. I told my sister I didn’t know what she was getting at. She said some words I’ll never forget, “maybe it is His way of inviting you back to Him.”
We were raised in the church, but I never understood the teachings of the church, neither protestant nor Catholic. The lessons seemed to be all over the place, and I could not put it together. Besides, it was easier to ignore and continue living my life as I wanted too, there was less guilt. My parents took our family to church every Sunday, but for me, it was a social gathering.
However, I felt helpless and had worked 16 hours a day to prepare and keep up with my job, talking to a therapist, talking to others that had been fired before it was my departure. The friends that supported me also spoke to me about my spirituality. I usually blew them off. So, when I got home, I found my Bible, didn’t know where to go in it, but I knew where to find it.
My sister recommended a few books (outside of the Bible), and I read them.
One book and author led to another one; I found many books and spiritual leaders from “other books you may like” on the internet. I found some authors that I could connect with and began to understand the teachings of the Bible. The approach I like is both the science and art of answering questions by using reason, evidence to defend Christianity.
That is what I need, reasoning, and not a “leap of faith” to believe something just because I visited church some Sundays, and never after I began college. I never thought I would say these words, “from where I started to where I am now spiritually was led completely by God, totally without a doubt.”
I’m not saying I was ready to leave the Big Pharma company, but I had exhausted my mind, soul, and body into taking an extended six months of medical leave. I was not released, I never returned, I retired. This was another one of God’s blessing I didn’t recognize at the time. I am amazed at how God’s reaches out when we are wavering around.
I had worked out a plan, maybe not the best one financially, but it let us carry on. Then, years later, I started looking into legit opportunities that I could do to supplement retirement. Writing and being able to monetize it was my path. Take being frustrated, embarrassed, and feeling helpless about being unemployed, fired, jobless, or disability and supplement it, investigate Wealthy Affiliate.
I was spending time with my daughter, who was a junior in high school and played volleyball, which I often missed while working. I got to be a mom instead of a working mom. I got to experience all the graduation plans, spend time looking for the right college, and even had a few “spend the night parties” with her on weekends while she was away at college. Another one of God’s blessing I didn’t initially recognize, and they kept coming, blessing after blessing. God was all over this situation.
Now, looking back on this time in my life, God was there, and he was leading me. I finally read the Bible with the help of workbooks, and I now know “I get Him” and believe the Bible is true. With reflections, I can see what God has done throughout my life, they were not coincidences, but for Him leading me right where I am, and includes writing this post.
In my next post, I will continue with what I learned about surviving financially, and other ways provided to me from the Great Leader and Provider had done in my life. Stay with me; I hope you will be back next week or so, it is not over yet.
I am Laura, you have landed on my website ALL EARS, maybe to learn how to navigate living with Auditory Processing Disorder. I learn, process, and hear differently, do you? Frustrated, are you? I was pushed into early retirement for being different, you too? You may be different too. In defense of not being reasonable, the shove out was the best thing that ever happened to me! Did I write those words?
This website ALL EARS at apdscriber.com is a place to share encounters of living, working, and struggling with Adult Auditory Processing Disorder (APD) and Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) and anything else that you are labeled.
I will share with you personalized content, insights, experiences, stories as well as resources, hopefully in a humorous way. I do hope you find this website useful, a pathway for all who share and survive the misunderstandings of adult learning disorders and doing things differently. It’s great not to be ordinary!
My Short Story (Mini-Me)
For 25 years, I worked as a medical sales representative for a Fortune 100 Pharmaceutical Company, my dream job, and it was also my identity. For the first 20 years, I loved the job, and I had fun doing it. The last five years of that job was filled with anguish and torment. I lost time with my family and my sense of humor (which was the real tragedy) to intense stress while trying to meet the company’s unobtainable expectations. After a good fight, I retired. Now I want to help you feel you have others that “get it.” Let’s get started.