Finding God In All The Chaos

In my previous two posts, you read I was disheartened yet humbled living with a learning disorder, Auditory Processing Disorder (APD). Yeah, it overwhelms me daily, and it causes a lot of frustration, for myself and for others. It hinders from almost everyday activities, communications, and frustrates the hell out of me.

I didn’t realize how frustrating it was until I recently spent a weekend with a friend at her beach house. Every question I asked or comments I made she would come back with huh, and I would repeat, everything, every time! I even started speaking louder to her as others do to me. Granted, she may have been overly occupied with redecorating. It not always about me.

She was not listening, or she didn’t care. I don’t know, and it doesn’t matter because I get it. I understand how others perceive me, and it is a crazy reality. However, this is not the subject of my post. I just wanted to acknowledge for the first time being on the other side of someone who I perceived as not listening, and it was not enjoyable.

God bless my family and friends for sticking with me. Which leads to the subject of this post, how God got my attention. Years of fear and finally begrudgingly nudged out of a comfortable medical sales position I held for 25 years, (read previous posts). My work life was overly preoccupied

Thankfully, I didn’t see just a pill prescriber, but a psychiatrist who also included talk therapy, a lost profession and now I see as one of those times that God was there, and I didn’t recognize it. I was emotional, my body exhausted, my soul drained and angry that I couldn’t stop the momentum. The only thing I had to keep from crying continuous was to reach out my sister, who was familiar with depression, and she daily reached back out to me.

One time, she told me to “let it go” and give it to God. I did not understand why God would help me; I certainly didn’t know him. I told my sister I didn’t know what she was getting at. She said some words I’ll never forget, “maybe it is His way of inviting you back to Him.” 

We were raised in the church, but I never understood the teachings of the church, neither protestant nor Catholic. The lessons seemed to be all over the place, and I could not put it together.  Besides, it was easier to ignore and continue living my life as I wanted too, there was less guilt. My parents took our family to church every Sunday, but for me, it was a social gathering.

However, I felt helpless and had worked 16 hours a day to prepare and keep up with my job, talking to a therapist, talking to others that had been fired before it was my departure. The friends that supported me also spoke to me about my spirituality. I usually blew them off.  So, when I got home, I found my Bible, didn’t know where to go in it, but I knew where to find it.

My sister recommended a few books (outside of the Bible), and I read them.

 

 

 

 

One book and author led to another one; I found many books and spiritual leaders from “other books you may like” on the internet. I found some authors that I could connect with and began to understand the teachings of the Bible. The approach I like is both the science and art of answering questions by using reason, evidence to defend Christianity.

That is what I need, reasoning, and not a “leap of faith” to believe something just because I visited church some Sundays, and never after I began college. I never thought I would say these words, “from where I started to where I am now spiritually was led completely by God, totally without a doubt.”

I’m not saying I was ready to leave the Big Pharma company, but I had exhausted my mind, soul, and body into taking an extended six months of medical leave. I was not released, I never returned, I retired. This was another one of God’s blessing I didn’t recognize at the time. I am amazed at how God’s reaches out when we are wavering around.

I had worked out a plan, maybe not the best one financially, but it let us carry on. Then, years later, I started looking into legit opportunities that I could do to supplement retirement. Writing and being able to monetize it was my path. Take being frustrated, embarrassed, and feeling helpless about being unemployed, fired, jobless, or disability and supplement it, investigate Wealthy Affiliate.

I was spending time with my daughter, who was a junior in high school and played volleyball, which I often missed while working. I got to be a mom instead of a working mom. I got to experience all the graduation plans, spend time looking for the right college, and even had a few “spend the night parties” with her on weekends while she was away at college. Another one of God’s blessing I didn’t initially recognize, and they kept coming, blessing after blessing. God was all over this situation.

Now, looking back on this time in my life, God was there, and he was leading me. I finally read the Bible with the help of workbooks, and I now know “I get Him” and believe the Bible is true. With reflections, I can see what God has done throughout my life, they were not coincidences, but for Him leading me right where I am, and includes writing this post.

In my next post, I will continue with what I learned about surviving financially, and other ways provided to me from the Great Leader and Provider had done in my life. Stay with me; I hope you will be back next week or so, it is not over yet.

Blessings from my site to your home.

Laura Lee

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